I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
