So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
