hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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