i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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