I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
They have beer where we have blood.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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