Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
