they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
