You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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