Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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