We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
