y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
