dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
