I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
