And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
