Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
