Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
