You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
