I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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