Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
