In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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