You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
that's an acceptable place to lick
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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