Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
