My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm going to jail i love you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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