Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
