Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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