So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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