then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
