3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish you could order shots online.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
