I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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