I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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