It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
