Sponge bath it is.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
