I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
