OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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