So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
