I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
