i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
