I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
