Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
