i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
