Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
