FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
