Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
