Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
