hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
