I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
God, I missed his penis.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
