I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
