The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
