dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
