I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
