I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You ruined the universe
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
