Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
