from now on my penis is your penis
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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